Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I am back! And I brought you presents!

Horrible, horrible presents!

There is no way to make up for my terribly long absence from the world of blogs, and certainly no sufficient apology for the following videos I am going to show you.

First, straight from RT, is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen. And no, I'm not using "gay" in that fourth grade way that means "lame". Gay as in homosexual. This is , by far, the most flamingly homosexual thing I have ever seen. And I've watched my share of gay porno in my time, let me tell you.

Where do I begin in my ode to the Ellora's Cavemen? Do I serenade the fucked up beauty of pelvic thrusts to Lee Greenwood? Sing of the absurdity of the "Marine" with his two pierced and bejeweled ears whilst in uniform? Do I praise the meticulous towel folding skills of all the men assembled, overlooking entirely the fact that they're folding an American flag, not something that gets shoved in a linen closet?

No, I'll leave you to judge the bizarre majesty that is the Ellora's Cavemen lip synching badly to "God Bless The USA."

Now, if that wasn't enough purely concentrated manliness for you, I present Fabio. Need anymore be said? Perhaps that I was standing in a darkened corner of the Shittsburgh Hilton Lobby when I spotted our subject. Perhaps that I was not alone in this darkened corner, and in fact attracted the "Are you smurfing kidding me?" stares of various other conference attendees. Or the fact that Fabio looks right the hell at me, and I realize how very conspicuous a loud, big-haired pregnosaurus looks wielding a video camera and shouting "IT'S FABIO! LOOK EVERYONE! FABIO!" in a crowded hotel lobby.

Enjoy this video and remember: I get to claim this week of buttfoolery as work on my taxes.

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