Monday, June 21, 2010

Things I Have Learned Online

Okay, so, according to the internet, there are thousands upon thousands of dollars to be made just sitting on my ass. Like, I know, internet. It's called "writing". However, that hasn't been paying the bills as well lately, what with being between contracts and all. I'm staring to feel the pinch. So, maybe my good friend the internet has a point.

The internet wouldn't lie to me, right?

I've decided to make it my personal project this summer to "make money online from your own home" by doing all the crazy things people do to make money. First of all, I've signed up with AdSense to put ads on my blog. I almost accidentally typed "ass" there. To put ass on my blog. Anyway, AdSense promises that the ass put on my blog will with unobtrusive, and won't do anything to my readers unless they click on them. After that, I'm not sure what happens, and I won't be able to find out because I've already had to sign a contract in blood stating that I will not, under any circumstances, click on those ads even if my house is on fire.

The other thing I'm going to do is write articles and make how-to videos for Associated Content. Of all the money-making schemes online, this one seems to be the most promising. Why? Because it only partly relies on me tricking people into clicking links, and the other part is something I do really good, writing. And talking on a video. Okay, so anyone who listened to my short-lived and ill-conceived podcast knows that I'm not very good at the talking part. But I'm good at spamming my twitter and social networking sites with content, so just, you know, gird your loins and such.

The most exciting and yet least likely to pay off avenue to monetary gain on the internet has to be the online survey phenomenon. I've already signed up with a (legitimate and free) survey site and have taken some surveys. I'll be honest, I made six dollars in an hour, which is less than minimum wage in my state. But I got to click things and it makes me feel important to know that someone, somewhere, might use my opinions on iced coffee to market something to my fellow consumers.

If I've missed any opportunities to waste my time trying to get free, easy money, let me know. I'm game for anything on this virtual road trip to unbelievable riches.

I'll provide you all with updates from my awesome internet money adventure. According to all the promises these sites make, I'll be updating you via wrist-watch computer from my private helicopter over my recently purchased island off the coast of Fiji. Wish me luck!

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