Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Naked John Lithgow Early Warning System

As many readers of my blog know, I dig older guys. I don't know why, but guys over fifty turn my crank in a big way. Guys over forty-five, let's say, because James May is only in his forties, and he's like, my number one dreamy older guy. But I digress.

I like a lot of older guys, but just being over the proverbial hill isn't the defining quality that makes me think, "Huh, I would like to get on that, albeit carefully, as he isn't as young as he used to be." One famous older man who I absolutely adore, but not in a "Yeah, I'd do him," kind of way is John Lithgow.

John Lithgow is awesome. He wrote a children's book about a squirrel, and it's so cool, you just have to read it for yourself. In fact, he's written a lot of really cool books for kids. He was also in the most freaking awesome show ever, 3rd Rock From The Sun. And he played a serial killer on Dexter. And that's where my story takes a horrible turn.

I started watching Dexter at the urging of two of my friends, Scott and Jill, and once I started, I was hooked. It's one of the best shows on television, as far as I'm concerned, but then again I don't really watch tv. Anyway, it's awesome, and I busted through three seasons in four days.

And then I got to season four. Let me set the scene. I'm watching Season four on my laptop. I'm working on three concurrent writing projects for Abigail right now, so I'm doing double duty, writing and watching Dexter. I look up, and there's man butt. Actually, not bad man butt. My interest is piqued.

And then I notice it's John Lithgow.

Now, I'm faced with a conundrum. John Lithgow has an awesome booty. How do I reconcile this knowledge with the kindly face of my favorite alien on 3rd Rock? How do I read Micawber to my children without thinking of what a nice butt the author has?

This is why there needs to be some kind of nudity early warning system. When I watched Boardwalk Empire, I was fully aware that yes, it's an HBO series, I was probably going to see Steve Buscemi nude. But there are some celebrities you just don't expect to see naked, especially in the four season of a show that has relatively little nudity.

Granted, it wasn't sexual nudity. But now I know he has a nice ass, I have to put John Lithgow on my "I'd hit that" list, which is already pretty long. Now, I'm going to have to reorder my list, figure out some kind of filing system, and it's going to fuck my whole day up.

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