Monday, February 27, 2012

I made you some delicious egg rolls. But then I ate them.

Last night was awesome. No, not because of the Oscars, although I did experience this strange phenomenon... every time Jean Dujardin was shown on screen, my panties fell down and I heard La Marseillaise playing from somewhere betwixt my nethers. That aside, last night was awesome because last night was EGG ROLL NIGHT.

Let me tell you about egg rolls. You have never had egg rolls as awesome as mine. But you will, one day. Because I'm going to show you how to do it.

You're gonna need:
A big onion
Either three big bell peppers or four medium sized ones, it's up to you.
Egg roll wrappers
Soy sauce
Wok oil
1/2 head Napa cabbage
Some cooked chicken cut into strips (totally optional, in fact, my egg rolls last night were vegetarian)

This is what you do:

Slice the onion, peppers, and cabbage into long, thin strips. Throw enough wok oil into a wok or a big frying pan so that stuff isn't just sticking and burning all over the place. Heat your oil over medium-high heat, then throw in the onions. Sweat the onions before you add the peppers. Then sweat the peppers. Then throw in the cabbage and saute until it's not rigid. Then throw on soy sauce to taste, saute a little longer. You don't want the veggies to be mushy, but you don't want them to be crunchy and uncooked. I mean, YOU might want them crunchy and uncooked, but these are MY awesome egg rolls, pal!

Where was I?

After you've got your pliable veggies all made pliable, toss them in the fridge to cool off for about thirty minutes. They cool off faster is you stir them. The veggies have to be cooled down, or else you're going to end up disintegrating your wrappers. When they're all cooled off, take the veggies out and get to work wrapping your egg rolls. If you don't know how to do this, here's a good tutorial. They recommend using a paste to seal them, honestly, I just use water because I'm hardcore.

The last step is the one I know nothing about. Frying the egg rolls. Now, if I'm making them by myself (as occasionally I do), I just spray them with olive oil spray and put them in the oven at 350 until they brown up a little. But if my husband is home, he fries them in oil on top of the stove. If you have a fry daddy, you could dump them in there, too. The point is, when you're done, no matter what method you use, you've got a fuckton of egg rolls. I serve some for dinner, and when our gullets are so stuffed we cannot move (even to retrieve our mysteriously, Frenchly dropped panties), we freeze them to snack on them for the next couple weeks. Take two out, microwave them, and they come out pretty darn amazing.

That's my egg rolls. They're not fancy, but they're very good. Much like me.

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