Ladies, that was awesome. Thank you for being so candid.
It wasn't so much that you were fat but that you were fat therefore deemed unfuckable in a man's eyes, thus have no value in our society. Fat is just the means by which you've been labelled not fuckable (in this case). It could be 'lesbian', or 'frigid', or 'bitch' or whatever other label makes you unfuckable, but by and large it's just that not fuck worthiness that invalidates you. The fat hatred goes back to that not being pretty enough or desirable enough thing that annoys me so much. As if in our century a women is no more than property and we exist by leave of a man's good opinion. And yep I could rant on this one for days. Sigh...I'm three seconds into viewing this new video...sorry. I will stop and finish watching.
Back when I was nineteen I lost a lot of weight that had accumulated throughout high school. The massive gain was a side effect of depression medication. It was depressing. But I was totally unprepared for how even more depressing it would be to not be fat. As you said, suddenly, I was fuckable, desirable. Guys would flirt, pay me compliments. I had never even been approached or TALKED to when I was fat. That is how invisible fat made me. You can bet I didn't want to date. You can bet I got so depressed that I gained back every pound plus more.
My sister once told me about how she and a friend she was on holidays with took as many photos of themselves as possible because they both figured they'd never be that slim, tanned, and relaxed again in their lives. The other girl was really self conscious about it, but posed in a lot of the photos in just a bikini. Ten years on, and looking back at the pics, she thanked my sister for making her do that because she saw, now, what she could never see then - she had a beautiful figure and had been on holidays for six months; she was stunning in those photos.Peoples' perceptions invent the world around them, a lot of the time.I'm a bigger girl, one of my friends is naturally very skinny, and she envies me the ability to wear corsets. I love the damned things - I have eight of them. She can't wear them because the boning bruises her. Who, in this scenario, is supposed to have body issues? I mean, according to the so called conservative wankers who obviously didn't understand what you were saying on twitter.
I was skinny all throughout high school. Now, I am that shape that many women want: slender yet curvy so no, I have never had to deal with clothes being too small for me everywhere I go. However, I have a lot of bigger friends who I go shopping with. I am just the fashion forward friend helping them out and I feel terrible. I cannot imagine how anyone with even just an average frame must feel.This video made me feel both tons of rage and compassion for all sizes; however, I have noticed that larger and fat people do get bashed more. My room mate is a size 14/16 (so average), but a few people I know ended up completely dissing her and saying she wasn't good looking because of her size. I wanted to smack someone so hard.The final thing I want to say is bigger can be sexy! I live in St. Louis, and we have a wonderful burlesque troupe here called The Thunder Kittens where the girls range from being as skinny as DRock to having several rolls. I'll post a couple links to videos below, but girls, remember that all sizes can be sexy!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25xZ2meh_RA (The lovely Allura Fett)http://www.facebook.com/bambambambi.x.5/photos (Pictures of Bam Bam Bambi)http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.354173977945440.99793.294719063890932&type=3 (Promo pictures of other Thunder Kittens)
Hey, Jenny. I really appreciate these past two videos and the points you made in them.I have had rheumatoid arthritis since I was 12, and have been on prednisone and bedbound a lot, causing me to put on a lot of weight. I couldn't believe how people reacted to it, telling me I was ugly, worthless, unhealthy, etc. Yeah, I'm unhealthy, but not because of my weight! It made me feel really terrible about myself for a long time. Eventually I realised that life is too short and there are SO many bigger things (no pun intended, even though I know you love them!) to put your time and energy into than worrying about your weight or what other people think of your appearance in general.I have recently been doing much better with my health and have been able to exercise again, so I've lost a lot of the weight I put on. But NOT because I hated my body. Just because I want to be strong again and I enjoy exercise. Recently while walking down the street with my mother, we passed a fat woman who was eating a hot dog, and my mother looked at me and said "I don't think she needs that". I couldn't believe what I was hearing - this is the lady who, if anyone said ANYTHING about my hobbling or my being in a wheelchair or anything about me, would leap to my defense. So I asked her straight out "do you know she's not on predisone?" and when she replied that no, she didn't, I told her that's why she needs to keep those opinions to herself, or better yet, think about them and deconstruct them. People need to get over their weird obsession with appearance, and this idea that other peoples' appearance is somehow their business. Like you said in the last episode, people need to consider how you'd feel if someone judged you for your appearance without knowing your story or your situation.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for continuing on this topic.
Hi, thanks for this episode, good points as always.In school I was unhappy with my body - in retrospect I was slightly overweight but not very. But then I lost that weight, I don't know if it was just from growing taller or from eating more healthily as I was trying to. And after that... I wasn't any happier. I found different things to dislike about my appearance. The goalposts had just moved. I hated my hair, I hated my spots etc. etc.Luckily I am not chasing perfection any more and these days am pretty happy with myself. I try to eat well and exercise because I want to live healthily not for a flat stomach.I don't know how I came to this revelation but it did make me realise just how tiring it is constantly worrying about what other people think of you and how you come off. I am still working on shaking off my social anxiety but being happy with my appearance was one big step for me.p.s. Abercrombie and Fitch are notorious for their "only hiring beautiful people" policy, it's one of many reasons I will never buy their clothes.
I know the feeling of being ashamed of your body. I know the feeling of never finding anything that fits right. I know the feeling of people calling you a freak just because of how you look.By the time I started 9th grade, I was at least 5' 11". By sophomore year I was 6' 2". I'm now almost 19, and am 6' 5" or so. All through school, I was called everything you could think of. I apparently never had a name, I was just 'That tall girl' to everyone. People constantly questioned my gender, and to this day, I often have people tell me that I must be male because "Women aren't supposed to be that tall!". I see nothing wrong with being male or identifying as male, but I personally don't. It was annoying and infuriating when people refused to believe me or gave me shit for it. I shouldn't have to feel the need to get naked to prove that I have a fucking vagina and that my tits are real. I shouldn't even feel the need to prove anything like that to anyone, but I had never been shown how to love myself. No one ever told me back then that the jokes and mean comments didn't matter.I also weigh about 280lbs and have DDs. Finding clothes sucks. The one place I finally found jeans long enough that fit right, they're expensive as fuck. As far as shirts go, I'll find something that is long enough for my torso, but doesn't fit my boobs, and vice versa. I've learned to just take what I can get and work with it, which in most cases means I'm forced to wear T shirts and jeans because I can't find anything else. Doesn't bother me most days, but sometimes I just wanna look good for myself, you know? I don't really have that option because I can't find anything that is more my style and fits me right, so I don't feel confident wearing anything else in most cases.It sucks. But like D Rock said, you should love yourself. No matter what you look like, no matter the shitty things shitty people say, everyone deserves to just be able to love themselves, without anyone convincing them that they are less of a person just because they look different. I got called names on a regular basis, and I still do. People don't change, but through the help of friends, I learned it doesn't matter what everyone says about your body. We're all so much more than a number, whether we're big or small. Tell anyone who says anything negative about the way you look to go fuck themselves. Just be yourself and rock that shit.
You guys crack me up.
This was wonderful! Your comment at the beginning about fat being the worst insult in our society reminded me of a blog post by JK Rowling years ago. Her blog is gone now, but thankfully there's a copy of it on GoodReads (I'll leave the URL below). My favorite part of it is: “I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’?" She goes on to say that she'd rather her daughters be smart, funny, kind and a thousand other things before thin. I wish there could be a revolution in the way our society thinks about beauty and focus on everyone is different but it's what's on the inside that counts. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/454548-fat-is-usually-the-first-insult-a-girl-throws-at
Great roadshow as always. A few things that come to mind:1. In our society (that would be North American) if someone, particularly a woman, is considered "fat" she is also considered to be responsible for being so. And looked down on as being weak and unable to control her urges (that would be eating). Jen raises this slightly at the beginning of the show but I think this perception should be dug out from under a rock and put up on display as completely shameful;2. I'm a really skinny person. Always have been; probably always will be. Buying clothes for me is no picnic either. Everything is too big. The response from most people? "Oh, I WISH I had your problem". No you don't. Not being able to find clothes in your size sucks no matter. And if one more person says "oh, but you can buy your clothes in the kids' department" I'm going to deck them. Last time I checked clothing for professional women and children were really quite different;3. No one seems to consider it rude to come up to me and comment on how thin I am. I've even had people poke me in the hip bones and grab hold of my collar bones which is totally not ok. News flash; trust me, I do not have an eating disorder I'm just "naturally" skinny. Would I like to be more curvy? Don't know; I'm pretty comfortable with how I am as have been my various partners over the years. I went through a brief period in my 20's wishing I have more va-va-voom but that went away after a few joints and a nap.BTW, I'm sooo looking forward to next week's Roadshow about "The Following". I love that show and think Kevin Bacon is a hunka hunka.
I have a friend who os much the same. And people get nasty with her, accusing her of having an eating disorder (or more than one, which sometimes happens).And really, how is that any of your business, random stranger?
I loved this topic. It is crazy that as a culture we're all so obsessed with body size. I mean really everyone is either too fat or too skinny, who the hell is just right? Well, we are all just right, just as we are, right now. Losing weight or gaining fake boobs doesn't make us better people.Thanks for talking about it! You guys are the best.
Thank you Jen & D-Rock - that was awesome. A&F can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned.Same here on disability. In college I was 5'11 and 140lbs. I started gaining weight after I was diagnosed with major clinical depression (like drive over a cliff type depression) and put on meds. So now I'm 5'11" and 280lbs and feel like crap, which is better than suicidal crap, but still crap.
Jen and D-Rock, you are two wise (and hilarious) women and a total breath of fresh air. Thank you for poking holes in the fucking stupid Real Woman Have Curves crap. I am so tired of hearing this real women bullshit and also the idea that skinny women and non skinny women must necessarily be at each others' throats. Fuck that shit.
I have a problem that people think I am diabetic because I have gotten heavy over the years, I just turned 55 and my youngest son is 21 and I always wanted to lose the extra 20 lbs that I couldn't lose after he was born I have also added to that unfortunately. Hard to say it is baby fat anymore. I always get "well if you would loose weight you would be healthier" and I tell them that I was diagnosed as a 15 year-old so that isn't possible. In fact I have been pretty healthy as a type 1 diabetic for so many years, while my brother who is also one and was always thin has had real problems. My sister who is also a type 1 diabetic (yah our genetics are screwed) is thin and only 5'1" while I am 5'10" always compares me to her and constantly brings up fat people and people who wear sweatshirts and t-shirts which is totaly me cause I don't care about clothes. I always think she is snidely referring to me even though she is talking about someone else. She is now compairing herself to my twelve year old niece because she is only 10lbs heavier than her. Just weight(lol) until the poor kid weighs more than her, I am sure she will bring it up all the time. One good thing I hear and see from my sons is that people of his age at least in our area don't make fun of heavier kids any more, they are even included in groups and have boy friends and girl friends who are thinner than them. I think it has a lot to do with how our schools have always handled bullies and how to treat each other better, hope this is happening elsewhere too. One more thing my son applied at Abecrumbie, and he was heavier at the time and had really long metalhead hair and they treated him badly. He told me he wanted to go in there and piss on the clothes in the back, I don't think he did, but.......
Jenny and D-Rock, I love you both!!!Please keep putting your message out. We need to hear it.I think you two could make a message for young girls (to watch at school) so they at least have a chance of being a little less screwed up by society.Please continue to be awesome.A very big fan of you both,ednaz
I don't know if you covered this in the last half of the video as it cut out on me and wouldn't work again (why internet why??) but in recent years - over here in Britain at least - the pendulum seems to have swung more towards 'hatred' of thinner people and the assumption that size zero girls must be anorexic/only eat salads/ are not 'real' women because it's impossible to be that small naturally "-_- The slogan these people bandy about 'real woman have curves' drives me bananas. All women are real, no matter what their size. Just a few weeks ago an old friend from school - who, due to arthritis - is on the heavier side posted a meme on Facebook which bore the caption 'A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you may get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'.I objected to her posting it saying that comments like that are just as bad as comments bashing fatter people and was informed that she felt it was her 'right' to do so because the media have been insulting people her size for years and insinuated that I didn't have any right to object.Now, I am naturally small, it's not a fashion choice. I can't help being my size any more than my friend can help being hers. Do I therefore have to sit back and accept the vulgar comments directed towards myself and others my size simply because I'm 'lucky' enough to be a size zero?
I wish we would all stop bashing each other for our sizes. See it happens to thin people as well as heavier people (really women only, men can be whatever they want). I worked with someone years ago that was so thin she had to eat a huge amount of calories in order to not lose any weight at all, she was tired of having to eat all that food, but if she didn't she would lose weight. While at the time I was envious of the extra large baby ruth she eat EVERY day, I realized that she had just as much of a health problem eating all day as I did being diabetic and not being able to eat the things she did. We both didn't like it. When I first became diabetic in high school, I had a friend who always drink a delicious choco milkshake that our evil H.S. served at lunch, we actually could get soft serve ice cream and shakes at lunch, amazing.I would have one or two a week which was bad because it was actually causing my blood sugars to go up without realizing it, and when that happens you lose weight because your body feeds on itself, gross. So while I was doing that I was losing weight, seemed nice until I nearly died. Well when I came back to school, this friend would buy a shake and eat it right in front of me and say rotten things to me about not being able to have this ever again. Very hard to listen to as a kid. My dad was diabetic though so I knew what that meant and so I did what I had to, but why are people so mean? One good thing came out of it, every teacher felt sorry for me and made me give reports about what it was like to be diabetic, etc. and I got the best grades I ever got and didn't have to take my finals. To this day I still am terrible in math because I never learned everything I needed to know, oh well. I agree with you D-Rock you never know what some one is going through in their lives so the best thing to do is shut up. Many illnesses are not always detectable on sight so you don't know what people are dealing with. Everyone large or small have problems to get through everyday.
Everyone else has pretty much covered my story here, so I only have one small contribution: ASOS Curve. It's changed my life. Their stuff is more expensive than my usual H&M or Target/Gap, but they make well-constructed clothing, out of (relatively) good fabrics, resulting in nice-looking clothes that fit me. And shipping is free both ways. They're like the Zappos of clothing. Most of their stuff skews young for me, but I've found some amazing clothes there that are actually cut to look good on me. I'm lucky enough to be a US 16-18 (so a UK 18-20), so I can usually find something cute (depending on cut) in random stores, but nothing looks as good as something actually made for my shape. I've been slowly phasing out some of my wardrobe and replacing it with their stuff (mostly from the sale/clearance section), and I feel a lot better about myself when I'm wearing it.
Say some stuff! If you can't think of anything to say, leave a link to a cute dog picture. I'm easy.