Tuesday, June 11, 2013

That Time I Made Bronwyn Green Watch A Royal Affair

I'm not ashamed to say that when I find a movie or a TV show I love, I bully pretty much everyone I know into watching the same thing. Well, no. Scratch that. There are some things I know certain friends will never be into- I'm never going to marathon Adventure Time with my friend Cristin, for example, but D-Rock totally has me covered- so I make my recommendations/pleas/demands based on what I think people will like.

Hey, you know what my friend, erotic romance author Bronwyn Green, likes? SHIT THAT WILL MAKE HER CRY. So, when I watched A Royal Affair, a movie about Caroline Mathilda of Denmark and that time her boyfriend kind of took over the monarchy and stuff, I was like, "This is right up Bronwyn's alley.

I was originally going to write a short review and tell all of you guys to watch this movie if you haven't already, but what follows here is the transcript of our IMs as I forced Bronwyn to watch the movie and suffer as I suffered. I think it stands as a better testament of why you have to watch this thing.

It also gives you a pretty good example of why you never, ever, EVER, give me your IM name.

(I don't know why I'm including a spoiler warning here, because the movie is sort of loosely based on events that took place in actual European history over two-hundred years ago, but, you know. SPOILERS or whatever.)



Jenny: AND OMG NETFLIX STREAM THE FUCK OUT OF A ROYAL AFFAIR. I'm not even fucking around, you have to watch this movie.
Bronwyn: I'm getting nothing else done today...
Jenny: Then it is a perfect day for Danish movies. TRAGIC DANISH ROMANCE. MADS MIKKELSEN. PONYTAIL.
Bronwyn: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

A short time later...
Bronwyn: This is like costume porn!!!! MADS IS ON A HORSE!!!!!
Jenny: HE'S TOTALLY ON A HORSE! AND HE FENCES, TOO! AND THEY DANCE BRONWYN! THEY DANCE!
Bronwyn: This is going to make me cry, isn 't it?
Jenny: Yes. Big, snotty sobs. I took a break toward the end, because I was like, "Pump the brakes, Dr. Struensee!" and I was like, "Let me mentally prepare myself." 
Bronwyn: DANCING!!!!!
Jenny: DANCING! That scene was suuuuuuuuper hot. I think the dancing scene in that movie has replaced the dancing scene in the 2005 pride and prejudice as my all time favorite sexual tension dancing scene.
Bronwyn:  It was AMAZING!!!! Seriously fucking hot and makes me want to write a historical.
Another short time later...
Bronwyn: Mads just told Chistian that he doesn't need to sign every little thing.
Jenny: LOL, that scene, btw, the "You don't have to sign everything" scene, was where I was like, "PUMP THE BRAKES BRO." Okay. Okay, go and watch. I'll be here for you. 
Bronwyn: You'd better be, 'cause you got me into this.
Jenny: OMG DID SHE HAVE THE BABY YET?!
Bronwyn: YES!!!
Jenny: WAS IT NOT HEARTBREAKING THAT HE COULDN'T EVEN SEE HIS CHILD?!
Bronwyn: I'm still weeping.
Jenny: I FELT SO BAD FOR THEM!
Bronwyn: It was AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's time for the ball now. THE ANGRY MOB
Jenny: THINGS ARE NOT GOING WELL BRONWYN!
Bronwyn: Her little boy!!!!!!!!
Jenny: I feel like our relationship is deepening having shared this experience. I know I'm pretty high, but I'm sure that's happening. 
Bronwyn: I'm pretty sure you're right.
Jenny: This movie is romantic as fuck. We might get pregnant right now. 
Bronwyn: PULL OUT!!! PULL OUT!!!!
Jenny: No doubt. Dude, you're a doctor. Think this shit through. Like, maybe inoculating for smallpox can wait a second while you invent some kind of reliable method of birth control. 
 Bronwyn: Exactly!!! They're NOT GONNA GET PARDONED JEN!!!!!
Jenny: I was like, sobbing, out loud, "THEY ARE NOT GOING TO GET PARDONED!"
Bronwyn: BRANDT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!! 
Jenny: MY HEART! 
After it was over...
Bronwyn: So now that my soul is crushed and I'm gutted...
Jenny: WAS THAT NOT THE MOST ROGODDAMNEDMANTIC THING YOU EVER SAW? I didn't have any kleenex, because I was in bed and I left it downstairs. So my nose was all dripping snot and I wiped it on the sheet and I had to wash my sheets. BUT I AM NOT ASHAMED. 
I have to say, I had heard about this story because I spend a lot of time needlessly researching european history and also everything else on Wikipedia, but dry "this happened, then this happened" history doesn't feel so tragic.
DON'T RIDE HORSES WITH HIM YOU ARE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE
(BTW, that was my inner monologue all last night)
DON'T [x] WITH HIM YOU ARE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE.
Just like, over and over as I watched it, like some kind of demented person who stands in front of trains. 
Bronwyn: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT FELT LIKE! Like I was standing in front of a damn train the whole time!!!!!
Jenny: I am so blogging this tomorrow.
Bronwyn: DO IT!!! 

20 comments:

  1. Just leaving a comment to say "rogoddamnedmantic" totally should be a real word and I intend to use it regularly from now on.

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  2. I watched that film on the plane coming home from Florida last year. It made me cry! Loved it :)

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  3. I just watched this the other day, because after I discovered Netflix has foreign movies, I've been watching very little of anything in English.

    It was SO GOOD. Aah.

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  4. Oh man I hate crying, but I can't resist movies like this. Especially when they're period movies- everything is more romantic and tragic in them! I'll have to make note of this one next time I need a good cry and have someone to watch it with (lest I suffer alone).

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  5. Damn you! I'm going to have to stream this now. Ugh. It's all your fault!

    Remind me to give you my IM name because you're going to have to hold my hand through the snot sobbing. With plenty of Kleenex and antibac on hand.

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  6. You might like "The King's Whore" (released in the US as "The King's Mistress", because, whatever). It's over 20 years old though, and I wish they would make a newer version, with Richard Armitage as the King.

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    Replies
    1. Is it streaming? If it's on Netflix streaming, I'm IN.

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    2. I don't know, as I'm not in the US and don't have Netflix unfortunately. Actually I think it's rather difficult to track down, and the prices on Amazon are a reflection of what a true masterpiece it is. :)

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    3. @Jenny.... completely off topic but it is one of my fondest wishes that you would do recaps of the HBO show "girls". I don't know if you've seen it or not but I would love love love to get your take on it

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  7. I loved this movie, I have been watching Swedish and Danish movies alot because of Mads Mikkelsen. He is the BEST actor around, Mads has such expression in his face, he can play anything. The dance scene is wonderful, Mads actually started out as a dancer. You can see how he stands and carries himself.
    Check out the beginning of "Move On" on youtube, it is pretty much a extended VW car commercial, but does have some good parts with Mads, check out the beginning of the video, he comes in looking shabby (thats ok with me) but then really rocks a tux, yum.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZQOrqptszY

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    Replies
    1. I am really enjoying him in Hannibal. I had a bad crush on Hannibal Lecter before, and now... damn.

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    2. Oh me too.
      I feel so bad that I love Hannibal. IMBD has all kinds of people that have posted comments about the show and one thread is "Is it wrong that I find Hannibal INCREDIBLY Sexy???"
      My answer is NO. I think he is the perfect guy, I just wouldn't want him to eat me, well at least not that way....

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    3. I mean IMDb. oops

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  8. I just watched it; it was excellent. This is a bit late, but I vote Mads Mikkelsen for Neil (in dream casting of The Boss)

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    Replies
    1. I am entirely comfortable with this suggestion.

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  9. This is a little off topic. I noticed you have a rat some time ago.
    I had a rat too and it still haunts me that I didn't know and a little later didn't really understand what it must be like for a highly social animal like a rat to live alone. There should always be at least two rats, better three. They are like humans or budgys. Imagine having no one to talk to for your entire life ever again after beeing seperated from a lot of siblings.
    I just had to inform you. Since I waited almost half a rats lifespan to tell you that, it's probably too late anyway. I just want to tell you and everyone this to make up for the sin of ignorance I have comitted against my rat.

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    1. Yeah, ours has some... behavioral weirdness. He's super antisocial with other rats, but I am ever hopeful, though, that as he gets older he might calm down and I'd be able to introduce a young pair. The vet thinks it has something to do with him being intersexed but fertile as a female.

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  10. Anyone who's seen this film and wants to cry even more, should read The Visit of the Royal Physician (by Per Olof Enquist). An awesome historical novel based on the love affair between Struensee and the queen, and the politics and people surrounding them. Enquist is an outstanding writer of complex characters and emotions.

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  11. Better sexual tension during a dance scene than P&P?
    I'm impressed. I think I have to watch this soon.
    But I don't feel like crying! I want ones like P&P with happy endings :P

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  12. I'm definitely going to watch that now.

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Say some stuff! If you can't think of anything to say, leave a link to a cute dog picture. I'm easy.